1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:03,776 - I'll come round and cook it. - We have 17 varieties of papadom. 2 00:00:03,777 --> 00:00:06,052 Offers on everything from booze to biscuits. 3 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:09,288 - Loads of 2-for-1s. - Service with a smile. 4 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,572 - Fresh produce... - ..delivered daily. 5 00:00:11,657 --> 00:00:13,329 - The Valco tick. - That way. 6 00:00:13,417 --> 00:00:15,214 - Valco! - I wasn't ready. 7 00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:17,765 Valco. Serves you right! 8 00:00:17,857 --> 00:00:20,291 (all) Valco. Serves you right! 9 00:00:22,777 --> 00:00:24,927 - Do you want these, love? - Yes, please. 10 00:00:25,017 --> 00:00:26,609 - They're called olives. - Oh. 11 00:00:26,697 --> 00:00:30,167 (whistles) 12 00:00:30,257 --> 00:00:33,215 You've been whistling the same song for over two hours! 13 00:00:33,297 --> 00:00:36,209 - Whistling helps me think. - What about? 14 00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:39,573 - How much my head weighs. - Oh, my God! 15 00:00:39,657 --> 00:00:43,127 People are always weighing themselves, but not in separate bits. 16 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,935 I reckon my head must weigh 17 00:00:45,017 --> 00:00:47,053 - about two or three stone. - Really? 18 00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:51,130 - Imagine how much your arse weighs. - (laughs) I'll get back to you on that. 19 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,935 No, it's probably force of habit. 20 00:00:53,017 --> 00:00:54,928 I always whistle when I work on the boat. 21 00:00:55,017 --> 00:00:58,089 - It's not a real boat. - Try telling that to my crew. 22 00:00:58,177 --> 00:01:00,771 - It's not a real crew. - Here you are. 23 00:01:00,857 --> 00:01:04,213 Sonic Ken bobbed round the other night to help me glue the radar. 24 00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:06,686 - She's coming on. - What's that bit? The garden? 25 00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:10,008 No, I dropped a sandwich on the flight deck before it had dried. 26 00:01:10,097 --> 00:01:11,974 It's a long story. 27 00:01:12,057 --> 00:01:14,890 I'll have to work out where the Harriers can land. 28 00:01:14,977 --> 00:01:17,286 See, I've made a start on them. 29 00:01:20,257 --> 00:01:22,851 - How's the dog? - I tell you, if I go in one more time 30 00:01:22,937 --> 00:01:25,371 and see that bastard has chewed up owt else, 31 00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:28,051 - I'll have him put down. - He's probably lonely. 32 00:01:28,137 --> 00:01:31,174 Lonely?! You want to see him go at my cushions. 33 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:33,168 That is not a lonely dog. 34 00:01:33,257 --> 00:01:35,054 This is a reminder to our customers 35 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:38,413 that Valco Treat Yourself Mini-bites are currently three for �5. 36 00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:41,091 So, go on, treat yourself. 37 00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:44,374 Don't he hurt his winkle on those glittery cushions? 38 00:01:44,457 --> 00:01:46,846 - Yeah. - (both laugh) 39 00:01:53,257 --> 00:01:56,693 Sick of listening to Andy, a grown man, going on about a toy boat. 40 00:01:56,777 --> 00:01:59,052 - On about that again? - He's got a picture of it. 41 00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:00,855 - Carries it on him. - Really? 42 00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,734 Why can't he have a normal hobby? 43 00:02:02,817 --> 00:02:06,890 - Cos this is Andy. - But a toy boat, what's the point? 44 00:02:06,977 --> 00:02:08,695 Women do like a man with a boat. 45 00:02:08,777 --> 00:02:11,052 What kind of woman is gonna go near him? 46 00:02:11,137 --> 00:02:13,207 I'd shag him. 47 00:02:13,297 --> 00:02:17,085 Wouldn't let him do back door, though. Not a butcher. 48 00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:21,489 Right, now, Margaret. 49 00:02:21,577 --> 00:02:24,694 About your getting seniors back to work training. 50 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,849 - I want to... - (laughs) 51 00:02:30,257 --> 00:02:31,531 Oh, I'm sorry, Gavin. 52 00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:35,007 If you'd have been there you'd have been laughing, too. 53 00:02:35,097 --> 00:02:37,088 Been where? Where was that then? 54 00:02:37,177 --> 00:02:39,691 Last night, I went home into the back kitchen 55 00:02:39,777 --> 00:02:43,531 and there's my Alan cooking the potatoes! 56 00:02:43,617 --> 00:02:45,175 (both laugh) 57 00:02:45,257 --> 00:02:48,488 Can you imagine? It was so funny. 58 00:02:48,577 --> 00:02:51,216 Right, yes. Actually, I don't. 59 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:55,176 - Were they funny potatoes? - He'll be on Ready Steady Cook next. 60 00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:58,090 I think you probably had to have been there. 61 00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,452 As I was saying, training. 62 00:03:00,537 --> 00:03:03,415 I think you might be ready to make a tannoy announcement. 63 00:03:03,497 --> 00:03:07,012 It's just to promote a special offer on all our soft drinks. 64 00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:09,657 I've never done public speaking before. 65 00:03:09,737 --> 00:03:14,367 - What if I get booed? - Look, you'll be fine. 66 00:03:14,457 --> 00:03:20,293 The main thing to do is just to get in the zone and just stay focused. 67 00:03:20,377 --> 00:03:23,210 - Focused, right, OK. - Yeah, focused. 68 00:03:23,297 --> 00:03:25,857 - I've got that, Gavin. - Right, OK. 69 00:03:32,017 --> 00:03:34,008 - Colin! - What? 70 00:03:34,097 --> 00:03:36,133 Shouldn't you be stocking up aisle four? 71 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,650 Chillax, I'm on my way. 72 00:03:37,737 --> 00:03:40,171 I'm the most chillaxed person in Valco. 73 00:03:40,257 --> 00:03:43,169 (laughs) Yeah, alright. I wish I was on what you're on. 74 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,215 FYI, Colin, the closest I've been to drugs 75 00:03:46,297 --> 00:03:49,653 is Bob Marley's Greatest Hits. And what a waste of money that was. 76 00:03:49,737 --> 00:03:51,614 They all sound the same. 77 00:03:51,697 --> 00:03:54,928 - I was just saying hello to Leanne. - Leanne? 78 00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:58,248 - Has she come back to work? - Hey, chillax. 79 00:03:58,337 --> 00:04:00,487 - Where is she? - She's up there. 80 00:04:04,097 --> 00:04:06,850 (all coo) 81 00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:10,850 - She's a big girl. - Yes, she is. She's lovely! 82 00:04:10,937 --> 00:04:12,655 Leanne! 83 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:14,409 OMG! 84 00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:17,534 - Great to see you. - And you. 85 00:04:17,617 --> 00:04:20,211 You smell all mumsy. 86 00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:23,130 - Isn't she lovely? - She is, my darling Isabel. 87 00:04:23,217 --> 00:04:26,095 There you go, have a hold. There's your Auntie Julie. 88 00:04:26,177 --> 00:04:28,816 I always worry when I hold a baby in case I drop it. 89 00:04:28,897 --> 00:04:31,286 You know like when you're near the edge of a cliff 90 00:04:31,377 --> 00:04:34,847 and you feel like you might throw yourself off onto the rocks below. 91 00:04:34,937 --> 00:04:37,690 Hello, stranger! 92 00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:44,374 What a lovely surprise! (laughs) 93 00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:46,129 - You alright? - Yes. 94 00:04:46,217 --> 00:04:50,290 - Oh, isn't she beautiful. - This is Uncle Gavin. 95 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,447 Hello! 96 00:04:52,537 --> 00:04:55,495 - You coming back? - Not yet, no. 97 00:04:55,577 --> 00:04:57,488 (growls) Curses! 98 00:04:57,577 --> 00:04:59,215 (growls) 99 00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:02,130 - Maybe soon. - Oh, good, good. 100 00:05:02,217 --> 00:05:05,254 You'll be relieved to know that when you abandoned the ship, 101 00:05:05,337 --> 00:05:07,612 it was left in safe hands. 102 00:05:09,617 --> 00:05:15,328 Oh. Erm... I thought we'd discontinued the Frunch line. 103 00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:18,295 - So did I. - Night staff again! 104 00:05:18,377 --> 00:05:20,527 One GCSE between the lot of them. 105 00:05:20,617 --> 00:05:22,892 Any idea why they're still there, Julie? 106 00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:25,286 I was just seeing to it. 107 00:05:26,137 --> 00:05:29,846 Oh, Leanne, we've missed you. It's just so good to see you. 108 00:05:29,937 --> 00:05:34,215 - Oh, thank you. - Now, how old... how old is she? 109 00:05:44,617 --> 00:05:46,653 I'd just like to remind our customers 110 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,171 about our special buy one get one free offer... 111 00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:50,656 - Julie. - Yes, Leighton? 112 00:05:50,737 --> 00:05:53,888 A customer has put that she would like tuna sandwich spread, 113 00:05:53,977 --> 00:05:55,933 but we're out of stock. What can I use? 114 00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:58,406 Just put in a similar spread. 115 00:05:58,497 --> 00:06:01,375 Look. Here, crab, that's a bit like tuna. 116 00:06:01,457 --> 00:06:03,448 - OK. - Now hurry up. 117 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:08,452 - The vans leave in an hour. - Right, low-fat mayonnaise. 118 00:06:11,297 --> 00:06:13,094 Crab. 119 00:06:13,177 --> 00:06:15,168 Any customers wishing to take advantage 120 00:06:15,257 --> 00:06:17,327 of our special loyalty card promotion, 121 00:06:17,417 --> 00:06:19,851 there is a member of staff in our store entrance 122 00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:23,168 only too willing to assist with any enquiries. 123 00:06:26,817 --> 00:06:29,695 - Collecting Vouchers for Schools? - What school? 124 00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,654 Any school round here. 125 00:06:31,737 --> 00:06:34,490 - The one by our estate? - Dunno. 126 00:06:34,577 --> 00:06:37,853 No, thanks, they're evil little bastards in that school. 127 00:06:37,937 --> 00:06:40,292 They piss through your letterbox. 128 00:06:40,377 --> 00:06:43,096 We've all been caught short once in a while. 129 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:48,015 I pissed in me handbag once. 130 00:06:49,137 --> 00:06:52,812 - Is this your trolley? - No. 131 00:06:52,897 --> 00:06:54,569 - You hear about pineapples? - No. 132 00:06:54,657 --> 00:06:57,808 Eating them makes your jizz taste sweeter. Read it in a dentist. 133 00:06:57,897 --> 00:06:59,933 - You're joking? - No. 134 00:07:02,257 --> 00:07:05,090 Please put the items in the bag. 135 00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:07,293 Just a reminder to all customers 136 00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:12,770 that today's special offer is 50% off all Valco hair dye. Thank you. 137 00:07:12,857 --> 00:07:15,246 (both laugh) 138 00:07:16,817 --> 00:07:18,409 Funny. 139 00:07:19,337 --> 00:07:21,453 - What do you think of her? - Who? 140 00:07:21,537 --> 00:07:23,255 That woman there 141 00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:27,368 Has she nicked something? 142 00:07:27,457 --> 00:07:30,176 - No, forget it, this is weird. - No, go on. 143 00:07:30,257 --> 00:07:31,610 I was just wondering, 144 00:07:31,697 --> 00:07:34,370 you never ask why you're still on your own at your age? 145 00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:36,334 At my age? I'm in my prime, mate. 146 00:07:36,417 --> 00:07:40,410 I can do 50 press-ups without breaking sweat. Well, in winter. 147 00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:43,853 - You're building boats with Sonar Ken. - Sonic Ken. 148 00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:45,495 Where are the women in your life? 149 00:07:45,577 --> 00:07:48,853 Don't you want someone to grow old with? Well, older. 150 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,734 There are loads of women in my life. 151 00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:53,934 My address book is like a Who's Who of people I know. 152 00:07:54,017 --> 00:07:56,770 Not women, a woman. You totally need a woman. 153 00:07:56,857 --> 00:07:59,371 No, I don't, not now I've got broadband. 154 00:08:06,897 --> 00:08:09,491 (laughs) 155 00:08:16,097 --> 00:08:18,531 (laughter / chatter) 156 00:08:21,577 --> 00:08:22,726 Oh! 157 00:08:22,817 --> 00:08:26,935 We'll be putting a uniform on you if you stop any longer, Leanne. 158 00:08:27,017 --> 00:08:30,214 - Bye, Sonia. - Take care. 159 00:08:30,297 --> 00:08:33,892 Do you know, Leanne, motherhood really suits you. 160 00:08:33,977 --> 00:08:35,968 - You look stunning. - Do I? 161 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,412 You've kept your figure and everything. 162 00:08:38,497 --> 00:08:39,930 Don't take this the wrong way, 163 00:08:40,017 --> 00:08:42,087 but you look ten years younger 164 00:08:42,177 --> 00:08:44,486 - since you've had... thingy. - Isabel. 165 00:08:44,577 --> 00:08:48,695 Isabel. You looked a little bit run down when you worked here. 166 00:08:48,777 --> 00:08:52,531 Don't take any notice about what the child experts in The Mail say. 167 00:08:52,617 --> 00:08:53,732 What do they say? 168 00:08:53,817 --> 00:08:58,447 Apparently, kids with working mums never seem to do as well at school. 169 00:08:58,537 --> 00:09:03,327 - Well, you can't believe all you read. - Exactly. Ooh! (laughs) 170 00:09:04,457 --> 00:09:07,210 - Well, lovely to see you, Leanne. - And you. 171 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,936 I can't wait till you come back to work. 172 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,848 Take care. 173 00:09:13,257 --> 00:09:17,569 - Oh, you might want to just wipe its... - Oh. 174 00:09:25,257 --> 00:09:28,647 - Leighton, I need a favour. - You haven't seen a customer 175 00:09:28,737 --> 00:09:32,650 - looking for a trolley they don't have? - That's the weirdest thing you've said. 176 00:09:32,737 --> 00:09:36,173 - It's full of nappies and pineapples. - Oh, no, you've topped it. 177 00:09:36,257 --> 00:09:38,896 - Can I borrow your laptop? - Yeah, it's in my bag. 178 00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:42,413 Use the grey one because the black one hasn't got a screen. 179 00:09:43,897 --> 00:09:46,650 - You alright, Margaret? - I'm in the zone. 180 00:09:46,737 --> 00:09:48,534 What zone? 181 00:09:48,617 --> 00:09:51,893 - I'm not sure. - Excellent. 182 00:09:51,977 --> 00:09:54,969 This is a special notice to all Valco customers. 183 00:09:55,057 --> 00:09:57,173 Hurry down to our fresh fruit and veg aisle 184 00:09:57,257 --> 00:10:00,693 where you'll find brilliant bargains on all leafy greens. 185 00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:07,411 Don't miss out on today's special offer on our Valco Treat Yourself range. 186 00:10:07,497 --> 00:10:09,965 Delicious summer berry puddings, 2-for-1. 187 00:10:10,057 --> 00:10:12,048 A fabulous summer treat. 188 00:10:12,897 --> 00:10:14,888 DesperatelySeekingSomeone.co.uk? 189 00:10:14,977 --> 00:10:17,810 As good a place as any to find a woman for Andy. 190 00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:20,411 - What about her? - Too young. 191 00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:23,807 - Alright. Her? - Way too young. 192 00:10:23,897 --> 00:10:27,253 - What about her? She's alright. - Don't think so. 193 00:10:27,337 --> 00:10:30,534 - What? - Smuggling peanuts. 194 00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:33,654 - What?! - Check them nips out. 195 00:10:33,737 --> 00:10:36,570 So what? She's a freak just cos she's not wearing a bra? 196 00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:38,648 Yeah. It's a dating website. 197 00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:42,332 No one's going to read the book if they've already seen the film. 198 00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:45,568 - You actually thought about this? - Yep. 199 00:10:45,657 --> 00:10:48,046 - Amazing. - Thanks. 200 00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:54,893 Sorry, mate. Seven items or less. 201 00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:03,409 This had better be worth it. I've left the counter unmanned. 202 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,534 - It's not, Margaret's covering. - Exactly. 203 00:11:06,617 --> 00:11:10,530 Right, what do you think... to her? 204 00:11:10,617 --> 00:11:14,496 - What do you mean? - Well, do you like the look of her? 205 00:11:14,577 --> 00:11:18,411 - She's alright. Bit old for me though. - She's in her fifties. 206 00:11:18,497 --> 00:11:20,215 Exactly, no good for me. 207 00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,765 - I'm a BILF. - A what? 208 00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:26,406 - A BILF. Butchers I'd Like to... - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 209 00:11:26,497 --> 00:11:28,328 You want to have sex with butchers? 210 00:11:28,417 --> 00:11:33,650 - No, I mean women who like butchers who I'd like to.... 211 00:11:33,737 --> 00:11:38,174 - No. I... - Look, what do you think of Carole? 212 00:11:38,257 --> 00:11:40,134 - She likes good wines. - Alchy. 213 00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:41,855 - Good food. - Gannet. 214 00:11:41,937 --> 00:11:44,576 - Walking dogs. - Lesbian. 215 00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:48,252 So, what sort of woman would you go for? 216 00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:51,488 Well, she'd have to be fit and deaf, the perfect combo. 217 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,613 She'd have to have seen all the Rambos. 218 00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:55,528 - Deaf?! - Yeah. 219 00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:58,575 Deaf women have extra taste buds, it's a well-known fact. 220 00:11:58,657 --> 00:12:01,569 She wouldn't be able to get enough of my meat. 221 00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:05,047 Anyway, why would I want a web woman? 222 00:12:05,137 --> 00:12:08,174 Is this what you've dragged me away from the counter for? 223 00:12:08,257 --> 00:12:11,806 - Keep your wig on. - Jesus, kids! Get a life! 224 00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:17,376 - Andy just told us to get a life. - Yeah, I think he did. 225 00:12:17,457 --> 00:12:19,175 In your case, he's got a point. 226 00:12:19,257 --> 00:12:20,929 - Says the dickhead who... - Shh! 227 00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:23,929 - You'll say something stupid. - You don't wanna do that. 228 00:12:24,017 --> 00:12:26,451 He had this finger up a chicken's arsehole before. 229 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,290 Smell that! Whoa, she looks like John Motson. 230 00:12:29,377 --> 00:12:31,845 - Look at that. - Wow! 231 00:12:31,937 --> 00:12:33,734 See you later. 232 00:12:35,737 --> 00:12:37,614 Who'd leave a trolley like that? 233 00:12:37,697 --> 00:12:39,927 It's probably been left by one of them weirdoes 234 00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,850 - that likes to dress up as a baby. - And the pineapples? 235 00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:47,169 Probably shoves it up his arse to make himself come quicker. 236 00:12:47,257 --> 00:12:51,808 I just put my little finger up my Lee's. I think he likes the surprise. 237 00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:53,615 Just to remind all customers, 238 00:12:53,697 --> 00:12:58,771 there is a special 2-for-1 offer on Valco soft drinks. Thank you. 239 00:13:01,937 --> 00:13:04,690 Ooh! Excuse me, Gavin. 240 00:13:04,777 --> 00:13:08,372 I don't want to sound ignorant, but what's this horrible stuff? 241 00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:11,051 Unless I'm very much mistaken, it's tofu. 242 00:13:11,137 --> 00:13:14,766 Hang on, I am mistaken, that's marinated tofu. 243 00:13:14,857 --> 00:13:19,135 Tofu, right. I thought it were a strange cheese. 244 00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:22,687 It's easy to get these things confused. 245 00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:24,972 Life would be a lot easier if it was just... 246 00:13:25,057 --> 00:13:27,855 I had a look and I thought, "What's this?" 247 00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:30,895 I had a think, and I thought it's a strange cheese. 248 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,126 It's not, it's tofu. 249 00:13:32,217 --> 00:13:34,651 Then I thought maybe it's not a strange cheese. 250 00:13:34,737 --> 00:13:37,171 Maybe it's something else and I don't know what. 251 00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,213 Well, we all live and learn. 252 00:13:39,297 --> 00:13:41,447 Then I saw you passing and I thought, 253 00:13:41,537 --> 00:13:44,131 "I know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna ask Gavin." 254 00:13:44,217 --> 00:13:48,256 - But you say it's not a cheese? - No, it's tofu. 255 00:13:48,337 --> 00:13:51,454 Tofu? Case closed. 256 00:13:52,577 --> 00:13:55,535 Look, I don't want to propel you into the future, 257 00:13:55,617 --> 00:14:00,327 but we'll be doing your tannoy announcement at about 4pm. 258 00:14:00,417 --> 00:14:04,968 4pm. OK, Gavin. I'll get focused. 259 00:14:05,057 --> 00:14:10,290 Right, I'll write it down. Right, where's my Wills and Katie pen. 260 00:14:10,377 --> 00:14:14,416 Oh, Gavin, can I borrow your... pen? 261 00:14:15,737 --> 00:14:19,446 Laughing your head off at something that's not even remotely funny. 262 00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:22,529 That's what happens when you have about one hour's sleep. 263 00:14:24,817 --> 00:14:28,093 Just to let you know, all that stock's been taken off the shelves. 264 00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:29,974 Good, thank you. 265 00:14:31,377 --> 00:14:35,336 - Leanne looked well, didn't she? - Yes. 266 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,772 Always very presentable. 267 00:14:37,857 --> 00:14:41,645 I bet she'll really miss her baby when she comes back here. 268 00:14:41,737 --> 00:14:44,171 - If she comes back. - If? 269 00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:47,886 She just seemed so happy as a full-time mum. 270 00:14:47,977 --> 00:14:50,207 - Not working. - Yes. 271 00:14:50,297 --> 00:14:52,686 Very easy nature, Leanne. 272 00:14:52,777 --> 00:14:58,534 - Well respected by all the staff. - We're so alike. We could be sisters. 273 00:14:58,617 --> 00:15:01,529 (laughs) 274 00:15:08,537 --> 00:15:13,486 - Excuse me. Could you... - Sorry, sweetheart, I'm on my break. 275 00:15:13,577 --> 00:15:14,726 There you go. 276 00:15:14,817 --> 00:15:17,536 Come on, how long is it since you've been out with a woman? 277 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,936 A proper relationship. 278 00:15:19,017 --> 00:15:22,089 - Bet you've forgotten what to do. - Listen, pal. 279 00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:25,726 Little Andy knows exactly what to do. He's seen plenty of action. 280 00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:29,207 - What's it to do with you, beaky? - If it's a touchy subject... 281 00:15:29,297 --> 00:15:33,734 For your information, around about the time Rod Hull fell off his roof. 282 00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:35,773 12 years ago. 283 00:15:35,857 --> 00:15:38,576 12 years ago?! 284 00:15:38,657 --> 00:15:41,091 Bet you can't even get past first base. 285 00:15:41,177 --> 00:15:43,771 I can have any woman eating out of my hand. 286 00:15:43,857 --> 00:15:46,769 Big talk, big man. You alright? 287 00:15:48,977 --> 00:15:51,969 - Go on, you have it. - I can't, I'm sticking to my diet. 288 00:15:52,057 --> 00:15:54,810 Sue, you've just had a beef burger and a lasagne. 289 00:15:54,897 --> 00:15:57,809 But I can't have chips except on Saturdays. 290 00:15:57,897 --> 00:16:00,331 Is that what your diet is, no chips six days a week? 291 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:05,172 Yeah, it's killing me. I suppose one chip's not gonna hurt, though. 292 00:16:07,937 --> 00:16:09,336 Ask her. 293 00:16:10,657 --> 00:16:13,296 We forgot to ask Leanne when she's coming back to work. 294 00:16:13,377 --> 00:16:15,811 - Do you know? - I've no idea. 295 00:16:15,897 --> 00:16:18,775 - Could be weeks off or tomorrow. - Tomorrow? 296 00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:21,576 Should give you all enough time to put up the bunting. 297 00:16:21,657 --> 00:16:24,933 Oh, God, I hope she's not coming back that soon. 298 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,689 Thank you, Sue! 299 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:30,565 It's nice to know someone appreciates me being interim manager, 300 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,727 - even if... - No, I'm knitting her baby a suit 301 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:36,810 and I can't have that finished by tomorrow. I need about a month. 302 00:16:39,097 --> 00:16:43,488 - You're still on the leg? - Yeah. Dropping stitches like farts. 303 00:16:46,217 --> 00:16:49,289 Oh, er... Don't I know you? 304 00:16:49,377 --> 00:16:52,414 - Erm, do you? - From the orphans charity. 305 00:16:52,497 --> 00:16:54,533 I'm always down there raising funds. 306 00:16:54,617 --> 00:16:57,893 - I'm the Bob Geldof of Valco. - Without the hair. 307 00:16:57,977 --> 00:17:01,333 No, sorry, you must be thinking of someone else. 308 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:03,931 Can I have a pound of braising steak, please? 309 00:17:04,017 --> 00:17:07,896 Course you can. You know, you're spoiling that fella of yours. 310 00:17:07,977 --> 00:17:12,846 - It's just for me. - No... no fella? 311 00:17:12,937 --> 00:17:14,734 Divorced. 312 00:17:14,817 --> 00:17:18,332 How could he give up a beautiful woman like you? 313 00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:21,887 - It weren't Stevie Wonder, was it? - (laughs) 314 00:17:21,977 --> 00:17:26,129 Here, a little tip for you. Pop in a splash of red wine just at the end. 315 00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,936 You wouldn't like to come round and cook it for me as well? 316 00:17:29,017 --> 00:17:33,613 I can do better for that. Dinner for two tonight at the Bridge Steakhouse. 317 00:17:33,697 --> 00:17:36,928 Oh, aye? I bet the only thing you're interested in is the afters. 318 00:17:37,017 --> 00:17:40,896 The only afters I'm after is their sticky toffee pudding. 319 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,366 Well, erm... 320 00:17:44,457 --> 00:17:46,573 - Yeah, why not then? - Great. 321 00:17:46,657 --> 00:17:48,249 Give us your number. 322 00:17:48,337 --> 00:17:51,773 - Just in case you're running late. - OK. 323 00:17:51,857 --> 00:17:53,449 OK. 324 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:02,336 - OK. - Thank you very much, Michelle. 325 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:06,296 Ma belle. Ding-dong. See you at 8:00pm, gorgeous. 326 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:09,016 Yeah. See you later, Andy. 327 00:18:13,377 --> 00:18:15,493 Happy now? 328 00:18:15,577 --> 00:18:17,613 (whistles) 329 00:18:21,337 --> 00:18:23,168 A final reminder to all our customers, 330 00:18:23,257 --> 00:18:26,886 last chance to take advantage of our 3-for-2 deals 331 00:18:26,977 --> 00:18:31,493 on all Valco home-baked fruit pies. For today only. 332 00:18:34,977 --> 00:18:39,289 I'll tell you who left it, big fat Chinese fella, that's who. 333 00:18:39,377 --> 00:18:40,935 How do you know that? 334 00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:44,054 Nappies, because he's got a bunch of kids to make up for the fact 335 00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:46,253 they're only allowed one in their homeland. 336 00:18:46,337 --> 00:18:49,852 Pineapples give you the squits so he's obviously trying to lose weight. 337 00:18:49,937 --> 00:18:52,849 He'll bung the leftovers in the sweet and sour. Case closed. 338 00:18:52,937 --> 00:18:55,007 So why did he leave his trolley? 339 00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:59,090 He probably got a troubling phone call and had to run out. 340 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:02,965 The things that go on in this place. 341 00:19:03,057 --> 00:19:06,572 Sonia on the tills told me a pigeon once flew in here. 342 00:19:06,657 --> 00:19:10,172 It did, yeah, last year. March. 343 00:19:10,257 --> 00:19:13,693 - The 11th. - Oh, I wish I'd have seen it. 344 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:17,406 Oh, it's Tommy Cooper all over again. 345 00:19:17,497 --> 00:19:19,965 I nipped in kitchen to make a cup of tea, come back, 346 00:19:20,057 --> 00:19:23,493 there's Tommy dead on the stage. 347 00:19:23,577 --> 00:19:26,455 (sighs) It's the story of my life! 348 00:19:29,657 --> 00:19:31,488 Oh, Julie. 349 00:19:31,577 --> 00:19:35,126 Are you responsible for replacing all the Frunch products with this? 350 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,606 - Yes. - So this display was your idea? 351 00:19:37,697 --> 00:19:40,006 Don't tell me, Leanne would have done it better. 352 00:19:40,097 --> 00:19:43,373 - Macadamia nuts and fruit bars. - I'll take them off, then. 353 00:19:43,457 --> 00:19:47,166 It is a triumph. 354 00:19:47,257 --> 00:19:49,691 - Is it? - Oh, yes. It's a brilliant idea. 355 00:19:49,777 --> 00:19:53,008 Fresh macadamia nuts and fruit bars together. 356 00:19:53,097 --> 00:19:56,089 It's... so out of the box. 357 00:19:56,177 --> 00:19:58,168 I thought I'd show a bit of initiative. 358 00:19:58,257 --> 00:20:00,851 Well done, Julie. Really well done. 359 00:20:00,937 --> 00:20:03,132 I'm so glad you're not still angry with me. 360 00:20:03,217 --> 00:20:07,290 - Angry? - Earlier, with the display. 361 00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:10,449 Honestly, Gavin, I thought you absolutely hated me. 362 00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:15,816 Oh, well, it's just a minor oversight. It happens to us all. 363 00:20:15,897 --> 00:20:20,288 You may not believe this, but I once put out a special offer display 364 00:20:20,377 --> 00:20:24,973 of tuna chunks in brine instead of tuna chunks in sunflower oil. 365 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,695 - No?! - I know! I just... 366 00:20:26,777 --> 00:20:28,927 God's honest truth. 367 00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:31,247 I don't know how you do it, Gavin. 368 00:20:31,337 --> 00:20:34,010 Every time I feel low, you come along and pick me up. 369 00:20:34,097 --> 00:20:37,407 - Oh, well. - We make a good team, you and me. 370 00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:40,489 - Well... - We're like Ross and Rachel. 371 00:20:40,577 --> 00:20:43,045 Ross and Rachel, sorry, are they friends of yours? 372 00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:45,446 Friends of mine! (laughs) 373 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:50,374 - Hilarious! - (laughs) 374 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,608 Right. Well, you know, well done, Julie. 375 00:20:53,697 --> 00:20:55,130 Really well done. 376 00:20:57,057 --> 00:20:59,617 You really are happy as you are, aren't you? 377 00:20:59,697 --> 00:21:02,848 As a shitty pig. Oh, by the way, five stone. 378 00:21:02,937 --> 00:21:05,451 - What's five stone? - My arse. 379 00:21:05,537 --> 00:21:08,131 (whistles) 380 00:21:10,177 --> 00:21:12,930 Just stay focused. 381 00:21:14,017 --> 00:21:19,330 (distorts) I'd like to remind all... Valco customers 382 00:21:19,417 --> 00:21:23,330 that we have a special 2-for-1 offer 383 00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:27,205 on our own-brand soft drinks today. 384 00:21:27,297 --> 00:21:31,734 Thank you for shopping at Valco. Bye-bye. 385 00:21:31,817 --> 00:21:34,729 - (laughs) - Well done, Margaret! 386 00:21:34,817 --> 00:21:37,809 Gavin, I couldn't have done it without you. 387 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,775 You can let go now, please. 388 00:21:40,857 --> 00:21:42,256 Yes, madam, how can I help? 389 00:21:42,337 --> 00:21:43,895 - Guess who? - I hope you haven't 390 00:21:43,977 --> 00:21:45,695 had your hand up a chicken's arse. 391 00:21:45,777 --> 00:21:48,086 Yep, I have. I think they quite like it. 392 00:21:48,177 --> 00:21:50,168 - You're sick. - I think I quite like it. 393 00:21:50,257 --> 00:21:51,656 You're really sick then. 394 00:21:51,737 --> 00:21:54,251 I need to wash my hands, though. They stink. 395 00:21:54,301 --> 00:21:58,851 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0